As you start this new year, how might you grow? What if you and I took the time to look at our shortcomings and ask the solid question: How might I become a more fully developed human being in 2024?
David Brooks, in his excellent book “How to Know a Person,” writes: “People need social skills. We talk about the importance of “relationships,” “community,” “friendship,” “social connection,” but these words are too abstract. The real act of, say, building a friendship or creating a community involves performing a series of small, concrete social actions well: disagreeing without poisoning the relationship; revealing vulnerability at the appropriate pace; being a good listener; knowing how to end a conversation gracefully; knowing how to ask for and offer forgiveness; knowing how to let someone down without breaking their heart; knowing how to sit with someone who is suffering; knowing how to host a gathering where everyone feels embraced; knowing how to see things from another’s point of view.”
Brooks goes on to write “And a life spent on social media is not exactly helping people learn these skills. On social media, you can have the illusion of social contact without having to perform the gestures that actually build trust, care, and affection. On social media, stimulation replaces intimacy. There is judgment everywhere and understanding nowhere.”
So what do we do? How do we humans navigate relationships when there can be so much cruelty, judgment, grudges, mistrust, and indifference? Brooks writes “No crueler punishment can be devised than to not see someone, to render them unimportant or invisible.” It’s saying to someone: You don’t matter.
Brook’s book has been so insightful and motivating for me to grow more as a fully developed human being in 2024. Is there a point in our lives where we don’t feel we need to learn something new? God forbid! I’ve enjoyed taking the time to be a student of Brook’s book. But I also need God's help in growing in these ways of relating to people.
When I stay close and remain in Christ, He teaches me so much! John 15:5 says “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” Ok, I know it’s so easy to mess up in the relational department. But the message of this verse is clear. Our most fruitful, most satisfying life can only come from remaining (or abiding) in God. God can enable us to do what we cannot do in our own strength. He truly is our Helper!
So, it’s God who can help me learn the skills that go into seeing and understanding others and making other people feel special, respected, and valued. It’s God that can help me judge less and give grace more. It’s God who can help me have a humble posture of asking and inquiring of others, rather than talking at them. It’s God that can help me see great potential in other people. It’s God that can help me see the world through another’s eyes. It’s God that can help me be an Illuminator, not a Diminisher in relationships.
What does it take to humble ourselves and see that we have much to learn in this area? May God help us become people who see others in 2024 the way He sees them.
“They say there is no such thing as an ordinary person. When you’re beholding someone, you’re seeing the richness of this particular human consciousness, the full symphony- how they perceive and create their life.” David Brooks, How to Know a Person
Brooks goes on to write “And a life spent on social media is not exactly helping people learn these skills. On social media, you can have the illusion of social contact without having to perform the gestures that actually build trust, care, and affection. On social media, stimulation replaces intimacy. There is judgment everywhere and understanding nowhere.”
So what do we do? How do we humans navigate relationships when there can be so much cruelty, judgment, grudges, mistrust, and indifference? Brooks writes “No crueler punishment can be devised than to not see someone, to render them unimportant or invisible.” It’s saying to someone: You don’t matter.
Brook’s book has been so insightful and motivating for me to grow more as a fully developed human being in 2024. Is there a point in our lives where we don’t feel we need to learn something new? God forbid! I’ve enjoyed taking the time to be a student of Brook’s book. But I also need God's help in growing in these ways of relating to people.
When I stay close and remain in Christ, He teaches me so much! John 15:5 says “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” Ok, I know it’s so easy to mess up in the relational department. But the message of this verse is clear. Our most fruitful, most satisfying life can only come from remaining (or abiding) in God. God can enable us to do what we cannot do in our own strength. He truly is our Helper!
So, it’s God who can help me learn the skills that go into seeing and understanding others and making other people feel special, respected, and valued. It’s God that can help me judge less and give grace more. It’s God who can help me have a humble posture of asking and inquiring of others, rather than talking at them. It’s God that can help me see great potential in other people. It’s God that can help me see the world through another’s eyes. It’s God that can help me be an Illuminator, not a Diminisher in relationships.
What does it take to humble ourselves and see that we have much to learn in this area? May God help us become people who see others in 2024 the way He sees them.
“They say there is no such thing as an ordinary person. When you’re beholding someone, you’re seeing the richness of this particular human consciousness, the full symphony- how they perceive and create their life.” David Brooks, How to Know a Person
Take a listen: "Help is on the Way" by TobyMac: https://www.youtube.
Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain of the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.
Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain of the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.
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