Listen and Love Well

We live in a distracted world. It’s difficult to truly hear people. When was the last time you talked to someone, but really wasn’t listening to that person’s response?  When has your phone or computer taken more priority than the people in front of you?

Psychology professor David Brenner says that a major obstacle to growth in our listening abilities is that most of us already think that we’re good listeners. (Sacred Companions: The Gift of Spiritual Friendship and Direction) If we think we're pretty good at listening, why would we try to get better?

Let’s take a moment for a bit of honest self-reflection, taken from the book The Listening Life, by Adam S. McHugh: “For what purpose do I enter a conversation? Is it an opportunity to express my opinions, a chance to be heard? Am I seeking attention or adulation? Do I try to entertain or perform for the other person, to convince them that I am likable or attractive? Am I trying to show others that I’m right and covert them to my way of thinking? Related to these questions, how do I view the other person in the conversation? Is he a sounding board for my thoughts? Am I the presumed expert and the other person the novice who needs to learn? A captive audience for my stories? A sparring partner, someone that I am trying to defeat?” Usually, we all at some point fall into the category of a poor listener.

McHugh also writes “The opposite of a listening heart is not a talking heart but a selfish heart.”  When we listen, we take our focus off ourselves and place it on the other person.  We seek to give, to learn, to care, to be other-focused. We demonstrate that each person matters, no matter whether they're "important" or "not so important" to us.

A model for us? Jesus Christ. Throughout the Gospels, we see time and time again Jesus interacting with people. He placed His focus on others. He asked great questions. He listened intently. He loved deeply. He gave the gift of listening because he loved people.

What would change in your work life if you made listening a priority? How would being other-focused change your relationships? When appropriate, how would setting aside your computer/phone change the dynamics in a conversation or meeting? Listening and loving go hand in hand. Love and listen well, my friend. People matter.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4

"Know this, my beloved brothers; let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." James 1:19

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.

Easter Monday Living

When I survey the cross of Jesus, not just glancing at it, I'm undone. Jesus experienced betrayal, denial, flogging, abandonment, mocking, brutality, and rejection to name a few. His people not only left him, but turned on Him. Jesus, Son of God treated this way! When I allow myself to wonder what Jesus must have felt, it just crushes me. The pain and agony He endured because of love. It’s beyond me.

Can you relate to Jesus? Does your heart know what a betrayal feels like? Have you experienced a rejection that hurt like crazy? Perhaps, you get what it’s like when your own people turn on you?

Then came Sunday. Thankfully, we have the luxury of seeing the whole story. Three days later, on Sunday, Jesus rose from the dead! Even that seems hard to comprehend.

Really, how does this happen? How can someone be raised from the dead? Why would He do this? 

Imagine Mary seeing Him first in the garden! How in the world would his disciples respond when they saw Jesus in person that evening?  And then doubting Thomas? Poor guy is forever tagged as “doubting” Thomas! He didn’t get to see the resurrected Lord and doubted the reports that He was alive. So later in the week, Jesus comes back to the disciples and shows Himself in the flesh to Thomas. Thomas sees his wounds and put his fingers on them…. and believed!

Today is Easter Monday. We don’t have to live defeated by the pain, rejection and betrayals of the past. Jesus promises a new life! The resurrection brought us a Substitute, the lamb of God! It is HE that we trust.  It is HE that will never, no never, abandon us. It is HE that forgives us of all our sins!

So, Easter should stir in us Easter Monday Living! A life of belief and hope in the reality of Easter. A new perspective on suffering, knowing that God is with us. A commitment to trust the Lord with all of our heart and not lean on our own understanding. A sense of enormous gratitude for the cross. How about walking with a spring in your step today? Why? He is risen!

“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?’” John 11:25-26

"There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." John 15:13

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.

How Important Is Easter to You?

I just love planning for Easter dinner! I always order a Honey-Baked Ham, but love adding my touch to the meal, including homemade Challah Bread and other fun holiday recipes.  We also have an annual Easter-Egg hunt for our guests in the backyard, which is a blast! I may even have time to check out Pinterest for quilling some Easter eggs for decorating, the only thing I do that resembles a craft.

Before I know it, I’m in crazy preparation mode with no time to think, meditate or consider what this Holy Week is really about.

We reveal to ourselves and others what’s important to us by the way we celebrate a holiday. I want this week to be different! I want to take in the sounds, smells, voices, agony, and pain of the cross. I want to feel what Jesus must have felt when Judas betrayed him. I long to see Mary in the crowd and feel what she felt as she watched her son going to the cross. I can’t help but anticipate what it must have been like to actually see an empty tomb and walk with the resurrected Jesus.

When I allow myself to enter the Easter story, it deeply touches me. This morning, I found myself in tears as I read John 18, and thinking how awful Peter must have felt when he denied Jesus. It broke me. Why? Because I knew it could have been me.

You see, this Easter story is not just a story. It’s real. It really happened. The death and resurrection of Jesus changes everything. If not careful, we can read through the Easter story like a quick check of Facebook. Oh, yeah, Jesus got betrayed. Oh yeah, his friend, Peter, denied he knew Him. Oh, yeah, Jesus was crucified. It doesn’t faze us. It doesn’t touch us. Just one more story. Really? What will Easter be for you?

Dear Lord, Let me walk with you through this final week of your life. Let me feel your hurt, experience your loneliness and grasp a bit of what it cost you to go to the cross. Help me see my sin, which I often want to cover and hide. Yet, my sin is not hidden from you. Thank you for your amazing grace. Help me comprehend your perfect never-ending love. Let that love change me. Let the resurrection affect me like never before! You are alive! You have defeated death! Celebration is in order, for sure! In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.

Walls

I'm always a bit undone as I walk into the prison gates. It seems to get to me each time.
As our volunteer team followed the guard toward the gymnasium, I stared at the tiny cell windows, with vertical bars that inked out a tiny hole of light. The cell is typically 6 x 8 feet in size with steel walls. One solid door locks the inmate inside. These cells are home to over 1300 inmates. Some are here for 10 years. Some have been here 30 years. Others are here for for life. They live day after day, year after year, behind these 4 walls.

One of the things we learn about working with these brothers-in-white is their tendency to build up walls in their hearts. Walls as thick as the walls they live in. Walls as tall as a city skyscraper. Walls as impenetrable as the Rock of Gibraltar. Of course, it makes sense.These guys typically see themselves as trash. People treat them like trash. Even many family members have chosen to abandon them.

Over the course of this weekend, the brothers-in-white learned about the walls they had erected. It’s much easier to hide the truth about themselves from God, other people and even themselves than deal with their own sin. They came face to face with their walls and asked God to help them break them down, brick by brick. During the closing ceremonies on Sunday, we heard story after story of how God met them personally. We were surrounded by 4 walls of a gym, yet the celebration and worship went far beyond those 4 walls!

How might you have erected walls in your life? Walls you hoped would protect you. Walls that made you look good on the outside, but hid what’s really going on. Walls that pointed the figure to others, but avoided looking at your own issues. Walls that blocked out unwanted feelings. Walls that kept a distance between you and other people. Walls that keep you from a relationship with God.

I'm so thankful that God continues to gently and lovingly break down walls that I've erected over time. I honestly want Him to do so, as painful as it can be.  As you start this day, take a moment to consider what walls you may have erected in your own life. 

Dear Father in Heaven, I would prefer to live life not dealing with my stuff, holding my issues at bay. It seems much more safe. That’s the honest truth. Help me be willing to look at my walls. Help me to be honest with you, others and myself. Let me come to you and be like a child. With those people I’ve been hurt by, teach me to love, when everything inside me says “never again.” And Father, if I’ve had a wall erected to keep you out, forgive me. Show me how to approach you and break down my hardened heart. Help me depend on the truth of your Word, more than my own personal feelings. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.