Listen and Love Well

We live in a distracted world. It’s difficult to truly hear people. When was the last time you talked to someone, but really wasn’t listening to that person’s response?  When has your phone or computer taken more priority than the people in front of you?

Psychology professor David Brenner says that a major obstacle to growth in our listening abilities is that most of us already think that we’re good listeners. (Sacred Companions: The Gift of Spiritual Friendship and Direction) If we think we're pretty good at listening, why would we try to get better?

Let’s take a moment for a bit of honest self-reflection, taken from the book The Listening Life, by Adam S. McHugh: “For what purpose do I enter a conversation? Is it an opportunity to express my opinions, a chance to be heard? Am I seeking attention or adulation? Do I try to entertain or perform for the other person, to convince them that I am likable or attractive? Am I trying to show others that I’m right and covert them to my way of thinking? Related to these questions, how do I view the other person in the conversation? Is he a sounding board for my thoughts? Am I the presumed expert and the other person the novice who needs to learn? A captive audience for my stories? A sparring partner, someone that I am trying to defeat?” Usually, we all at some point fall into the category of a poor listener.

McHugh also writes “The opposite of a listening heart is not a talking heart but a selfish heart.”  When we listen, we take our focus off ourselves and place it on the other person.  We seek to give, to learn, to care, to be other-focused. We demonstrate that each person matters, no matter whether they're "important" or "not so important" to us.

A model for us? Jesus Christ. Throughout the Gospels, we see time and time again Jesus interacting with people. He placed His focus on others. He asked great questions. He listened intently. He loved deeply. He gave the gift of listening because he loved people.

What would change in your work life if you made listening a priority? How would being other-focused change your relationships? When appropriate, how would setting aside your computer/phone change the dynamics in a conversation or meeting? Listening and loving go hand in hand. Love and listen well, my friend. People matter.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4

"Know this, my beloved brothers; let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." James 1:19

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.