Walls

I'm always a bit undone as I walk into the prison gates. It seems to get to me each time.
As our volunteer team followed the guard toward the gymnasium, I stared at the tiny cell windows, with vertical bars that inked out a tiny hole of light. The cell is typically 6 x 8 feet in size with steel walls. One solid door locks the inmate inside. These cells are home to over 1300 inmates. Some are here for 10 years. Some have been here 30 years. Others are here for for life. They live day after day, year after year, behind these 4 walls.

One of the things we learn about working with these brothers-in-white is their tendency to build up walls in their hearts. Walls as thick as the walls they live in. Walls as tall as a city skyscraper. Walls as impenetrable as the Rock of Gibraltar. Of course, it makes sense.These guys typically see themselves as trash. People treat them like trash. Even many family members have chosen to abandon them.

Over the course of this weekend, the brothers-in-white learned about the walls they had erected. It’s much easier to hide the truth about themselves from God, other people and even themselves than deal with their own sin. They came face to face with their walls and asked God to help them break them down, brick by brick. During the closing ceremonies on Sunday, we heard story after story of how God met them personally. We were surrounded by 4 walls of a gym, yet the celebration and worship went far beyond those 4 walls!

How might you have erected walls in your life? Walls you hoped would protect you. Walls that made you look good on the outside, but hid what’s really going on. Walls that pointed the figure to others, but avoided looking at your own issues. Walls that blocked out unwanted feelings. Walls that kept a distance between you and other people. Walls that keep you from a relationship with God.

I'm so thankful that God continues to gently and lovingly break down walls that I've erected over time. I honestly want Him to do so, as painful as it can be.  As you start this day, take a moment to consider what walls you may have erected in your own life. 

Dear Father in Heaven, I would prefer to live life not dealing with my stuff, holding my issues at bay. It seems much more safe. That’s the honest truth. Help me be willing to look at my walls. Help me to be honest with you, others and myself. Let me come to you and be like a child. With those people I’ve been hurt by, teach me to love, when everything inside me says “never again.” And Father, if I’ve had a wall erected to keep you out, forgive me. Show me how to approach you and break down my hardened heart. Help me depend on the truth of your Word, more than my own personal feelings. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.