My Pain

For a moment, I listened to the lie about myself. The lie that I had listened to so many times before was back again. And for a moment, I believed it. 

I know the exact moment when I gave in to the lie. After several tests, I was now waiting for the nurse outside the doctor’s office. I was scared. I had just been given the not-so-pleasant news that I would need surgery. Trying to fight back the tears, I looked around to distract myself. On the walls were huge wall hangings with thousands of baby pictures. As I sat there, I couldn’t help but notice various pregnant women walking back and forth in front of me. I lost it. But nobody knew. Only me….and God.

Sometimes, we believe lies. Lies like mine. The lie that says “I don’t have children makes me less than.” For me, I didn’t get married until later in life. I’ve come to terms with not having children, but sometimes the pain comes back in full force. Today, was that day. 

In the midst of my pain and sadness, the Lord reminded me of how He will use anything in my life……if I let Him. He has challenged me to be an encourager to moms. Listening. Praying. Enjoying hearing about their kids. In addition, God has given me the freedom to do and experience things I never thought possible! But, the pain was still there.

We tend to hide our pain. Suck it up and hope nobody notices our sad hearts or tears that somehow get loose. I’ve learned over the years that I can’t hide my pain from God. He actually welcomes my tears, my heart cries and my burdens. He longs for me to come to Him and pour out my heart whether it’s about a job, a surgery, a relationship or a worry. God not only welcomes this, He wants us to come! 

God is not some far away being. He is up close and personal. Just like He was in the doctor’s office last week. He was as close as my breath….and He carried me through that difficult moment. Oh, how I love my God! 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8

“God wants us to believe and understand that His promises don’t have expiration dates. They aren’t like passports or gym memberships. He has given us a book full of His promises that have no expiration dates- and He will always make good on His promises!” Christine Caine

“God is the kind of being who, if you will place yourself in his hands, in trust, will ensure that nothing can ever happen to you that will make you say “I’m afraid” or “I don’t have enough.”Dallas Willard

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.

Purging!

There has been a massive purging going on in the Abbott household.  It was just time. Not that our house was disorganized. There was just stuff that needed to be dealt with as we prepare for a fall houseguest. So, the purge fest began! We cleaned out books, files, closets, drawers, and even the pantry. The trash bin and Goodwill were our constant friends.

Things looked pretty chaotic during the purging, but as time went on, the better it felt and looked! Things are now looking really good and it’s great to reclaim so much space. I didn’t realize how badly our house needed a purging!

Fall is just around the corner. It’s a great time to deal with our own clutter. Sometimes are lives and hearts can be so cluttered! We can be so busy and running in so many different directions that we can’t even think straight! Our minds can become scattered, disorganized, cluttered… just like my house. Clutter of the soul.

Looking at our own clutter is not easy. We’d prefer to stuff down the ugly, not-so-nice things about ourselves. We prefer to hide from others our fears, insecurities and pain. It’s so much easier to put on business casual, slap a smile on our face and go conquer the world with our charm. 

The Psalmist was a pretty open dude when he prayed “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me; and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-25) David, the writer of this Psalm, knew what it meant to be pure before the Lord. He also knew what it was like to hide his sin before God. It was a pretty bold move to ask God to take a look at his heart….. a place of clutter.

I don’t know about you but I long for a heart and mind that is at rest. I want beauty and cleanliness in every nook and cranny of my heart. I know what it’s like to have a heart filled with chaos and clutter and it’s not pretty.

Use this change of seasons to do a personal inventory of your own heart. Are there areas of your life that you need to take a good, hard look at? God knows all of your stuff and clutter and chooses to love you anyway, so why hide from Him? He is always hoping that you will confess and repent of your sins and draw near to Him. 

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA Of Greater San Antonio.PUrging

God's Opinion

I can get overwhelmed checking Twitter or Facebook or Instagram, so often, I just don't. It’s nice to keep up with people, but am I really keeping up? It’s good to encourage someone, but how many people can I really encourage It’s interesting to hear someone’s opinion, but how do I knowthey’re right? 

How do you know that what someone says is really true? Social media can distract us into a world of people’s opinions and arguments that have the potential to leave us blindly confused. Before we know it, we’re just mindlessly sliding our finger from one post to another. Nothing’s really going into our mind and less is sticking.

I love this quote by Christine Caine: “What God says is important, not what man says. Do not be a people pleaser, but be a God pleaser.” (see Galations 1:10) You see, the more my focus is on what everyone in my little iphone box things, feels or says, I can get caught in this trap! People can become bigger than God…. if I let them.

Let’s consider some qualities of God, creator of all:
* God is omniscient- all knowing. He created you, so He always knows what is best for you.
* God is righteous.
* God is just.
* God is wise.
* God is faithful
* God is loving.

These are God’s traits not just some of the time but all the time. He possesses these qualities completely! (T. W. Hunt and Catherine Walker, Disciple’s Prayer Life, page 110) As I look over this list, I realize there is not one person on social media, at work, at home or anywhere, for that matter, that is like God. Why would I want to disagree with Him? Why would I want to put most my focus on what others say? Our opinions (yours and mine) will never be as significant as God’s opinion.

Scott Sauls writes “If we resist the Bible (what God says), our only remaining basis for truth is our feelings and/or popular opinion. That’s a dangerous place to be.” As you start this day, I encourage you to spend time getting to know the One whose opinion matters. Make time today, and every day, to step away and draw near to God.”

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.

Deflated!

This past week, my husband and I ventured out for a bike ride in Phil Hardberger Park. We left early in the morning with the goal of beating the heat. We were fifteen miles away from home when all at once I noticed my one bike tire feeling really close to the hard cement. Rather than riding on a tube of air, I was pounding the rocks with a metal rim. Uh oh. 

Not to worry, as my handy husband can fix about anything! So, out came an extra inner tube, a bike pump and bike tire irons. Apparently, he replaced the leaky tube with a rotted tube. Uh oh. We had nothing left but sheer desire to get back home going for us. Ben pumped up the leaky tube and off we went.

The leaky tube seemed to last about two miles before I felt a direct connection with the bike path. This went on every two miles. It gave new meaning to Deflate-gate.

I felt kind of deflated with my deflated tire, but all at once, we came upon Two Brothers BBQ Market. By this time, it was lunchtime and we couldn’t be happier! Ben caught an Uber home, picked up the truck and came back to get me and the bikes. Happy Ending.

Deflated in the dictionary means "to let air or gas out of." But, it’s second definition is this: "To suddenly lose confidence or feel less important."  To be honest, there are times that I feel deflated. Disappointment has a way of deflating me. So does bad news from a doctor. So does fear. So does feeling insignificant. Yeah, being deflated is real, very real. As I’ve gotten older, I seem to run to God quicker when feeling this way. I realize that He is the only One that can breathe hope and encouragement into my soul. He is the One that reminds me of truth, His truth. He gives meaning to the chaos and order to my world.

How do you handle days when you feel like you've crashed and burned? Being deflated is real, but doesn’t have to sink you down deeper. God and His Word give hope, encouragement and a reason to keep going.  

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) "Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, "Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink." (John 7:27)-How foolish we’d be to turn down such offers today." @ScottyWardSmith

"Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice."  Psalm 51:8

"God doesn’t allow things to happen to mess with our heads. He uses these circumstances to shape our hearts. He knows difficulties and hardship and ambiguity are what cause us to grow because we are reminded of our absolute dependence upon Him." Bob Goff, Everybody Always

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.