My Pain

For a moment, I listened to the lie about myself. The lie that I had listened to so many times before was back again. And for a moment, I believed it. 

I know the exact moment when I gave in to the lie. After several tests, I was now waiting for the nurse outside the doctor’s office. I was scared. I had just been given the not-so-pleasant news that I would need surgery. Trying to fight back the tears, I looked around to distract myself. On the walls were huge wall hangings with thousands of baby pictures. As I sat there, I couldn’t help but notice various pregnant women walking back and forth in front of me. I lost it. But nobody knew. Only me….and God.

Sometimes, we believe lies. Lies like mine. The lie that says “I don’t have children makes me less than.” For me, I didn’t get married until later in life. I’ve come to terms with not having children, but sometimes the pain comes back in full force. Today, was that day. 

In the midst of my pain and sadness, the Lord reminded me of how He will use anything in my life……if I let Him. He has challenged me to be an encourager to moms. Listening. Praying. Enjoying hearing about their kids. In addition, God has given me the freedom to do and experience things I never thought possible! But, the pain was still there.

We tend to hide our pain. Suck it up and hope nobody notices our sad hearts or tears that somehow get loose. I’ve learned over the years that I can’t hide my pain from God. He actually welcomes my tears, my heart cries and my burdens. He longs for me to come to Him and pour out my heart whether it’s about a job, a surgery, a relationship or a worry. God not only welcomes this, He wants us to come! 

God is not some far away being. He is up close and personal. Just like He was in the doctor’s office last week. He was as close as my breath….and He carried me through that difficult moment. Oh, how I love my God! 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8

“God wants us to believe and understand that His promises don’t have expiration dates. They aren’t like passports or gym memberships. He has given us a book full of His promises that have no expiration dates- and He will always make good on His promises!” Christine Caine

“God is the kind of being who, if you will place yourself in his hands, in trust, will ensure that nothing can ever happen to you that will make you say “I’m afraid” or “I don’t have enough.”Dallas Willard

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.