Uncertainty

I guess there’s no perfect time to get COVID. While at an ENT appointment for an infection, I get a text from my husband, Ben. He was going to get tested for COVID. In a flurry, the ENT office quickly masked up and gave me a test. I was positive. Ben was too.

Life changed quickly. Appointments for the week were wiped off the calendar. Zoom sessions ensued. Ben had his men’s retreat this past weekend and obviously couldn’t go. His biggest week of the year at the university was this week as they prepare for senior projects.

You and I both know that COVID has affected more than just schedules and sniffles. COVID has changed lives. COVID has brought grief, heartache, fear, and sadness to so many. The mental health ramifications of these last few years will go on for years.

I think as much as I like to have my plans in place, this week taught me, once again, that nothing is certain. I really prefer to be certain. I like things to go as planned.

I was reading this morning in Oswald Chambers. Chambers was a past YMCA leader who was commissioned by the Y to go to Egypt to minister to troops from Australia and New Zealand during WWI. In "My Utmost for His Highest" (April 29) Chambers was talking about this very thing, uncertainty vs. certainty, and how we look at uncertainty as a bad thing. He writes:

“Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life; gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness, it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God.”

Chambers points us back to Matthew 18:3 which says “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Don’t you love how Jesus sees little children? They don’t care about their own status! A child doesn’t know what’s happening next. A child humbly trusts. Oh, how we can learn from a child, but how much more can we learn from Jesus' love, which is certain!

As Chambers says “We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next. But, when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectance.” Ben and I have looked expectantly for God's plan when our plans went awry.

It breaks my heart that my husband can’t go on his men’s retreat. I’m sad that in the craziest week at the university, he can’t be with his students. I'm pretty bummed to feel so weak as I deal with an infection and COVID. But, I can certainly trust in the certainty of God and his love. 

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain of the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.