Someone

Have you ever looked down on someone because of their race?

Have you ever judged someone one way and later found out how wrong you were?

Have you ever thought less of someone because of the way they looked?

Have you ever held a grudge against someone that lasted for years?

Have you ever been so angry at someone you avoided even looking at them?

Have you ever not accepted someone the way they are?

The key word in each one of these questions is “someone.” How do we treat the “someone’s” in our life is most important. Chances are, that you, like me, have botched it in this department. Whether it’s confessing our entanglement in racism and systemic privilege or just being a toad in a relationship, a first step in making things right is “confession.”

Most of us would prefer to eat a can of spam before we seek to practice confession. We have been taught that “looking good” is way more important than showing weakness or mistakes. It’s so stinking tough to ask people for forgiveness! Avoidance seems so much easier. Personal confession is tough too, as we admit to God our own private beliefs, albeit racist or hidden anger or judgments we hold tightly to. But, confession can be so freeing for all of us!

Confession involves surrendering our weaknesses and faults to the forgiving love of Christ. (Adele Ahlberg Calhoun, Spiritual Disciplines Handbook) I literally admit to God my natural propensity to rationalize away my sin, deny that it happened or pass the shame and blame on to someone else. True repentance means I open the bad in my life to God. (Calhoun) I stop hiding. I don’t pretend I'm somebody I’m not.

For me, when I understand that I’m tucked away in the safety net of God’s unfailing love, I’m more prone to ask Him to help me see myself as He sees me. I share with Him the sins that come to mind. I then ask God to forgive me and help me to change. His perfect love for me gives me freedom to share my junk with Him!

For those ‘someones’ in your life, ask the Lord, “Who have I injured recently through thoughtlessness, neglect, anger or judgment?” (Calhoun) If you need to initiate with a person, do so! As hard as that is, most people are so blown away by your willingness to confess your wrongdoing. It can be a beautiful time of reconciliation.

Don’t deny the hurt you feel from your experience. Sit in it. Feel it. But don’t stay in the pain forever. Allow this pain to push you on to forgiveness and which gives so much freedom!

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James 5:16

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain of the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.