I was on my way back from a quick early morning run to Starbucks, not far from where I grew up in Ohio. The large road I was on had a series of lights, all of which were blinking yellow. The road had not officially “woken” up. Soon it would be bustling with cars. For now, yellow lights flickered as far as my eye could see.
We all know yellow lights allow us to proceed with caution and continue down the road. Not so with me. I came up to the yellow light and stopped. I’m not sure how long. No one was behind me, so no honks. All at once, I realized that I did not need to stop. Befuddled, I accelerated and drove back to our hotel.
What in the world was going on? I’m sure my mind was somewhere else. I was beyond exhausted and in just a few hours, we would be attending my dad’s funeral. My. Dad’s. Funeral. It still didn’t register.
I still wanted to be present in these moments ahead. I wanted to appreciate fully each person that came that morning. I wanted to take in, as hard as it was, seeing my dad in a casket. I wanted to fully feel the solemn moment of the taps at the cemetery and receiving the flag. I wanted to be able to be silly and laugh together with friends and family who had gathered for lunch.
What in the world was going on? I’m sure my mind was somewhere else. I was beyond exhausted and in just a few hours, we would be attending my dad’s funeral. My. Dad’s. Funeral. It still didn’t register.
I still wanted to be present in these moments ahead. I wanted to appreciate fully each person that came that morning. I wanted to take in, as hard as it was, seeing my dad in a casket. I wanted to fully feel the solemn moment of the taps at the cemetery and receiving the flag. I wanted to be able to be silly and laugh together with friends and family who had gathered for lunch.
That ‘yellow light’ moment was a wake-up call for me to be fully present. Pain comes in all shapes and sizes and honestly, it’s way easier to avoid it at all costs. Humans do all sorts of things to run and hide from our pain. We run away. We over-medicate. We joke away our pain. We get super busy. We take our minds elsewhere, i.e., yellow lights. Thankfully, I had some time to pray. I asked God for help because I knew I needed it!
God carried me that day. He allowed me to be fully present and appreciate each person. I sensed Him partnering with me as I walked toward the casket and viewed my dad’s lifeless body. God helped me receive the flag and realize the symbolism of that moment. God allowed me to be fully present with my friends and family. It turned out to be a special day.
Walking with Christ doesn’t mean we’re perfect, far from it. It does mean that the Holy Spirit enables us to do what we can’t do on our own. The Spirit of God, who lives inside the believer, walks with us through anything we’re going through. Even though there are times that life is painful, there’s still life to live and we need to live in the present.
Eugene Peterson in The Message, writes in Matthew 6:34 says “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.”
There’s never a time to hide. I need to be fully present as I know the Lord is near. He cares about everything we're going through. I’ll sum this up with something we all heard growing up. “Nancy, (replace with your name) Pay Attention!”
Take a listen to this song about focusing on Jesus: https://www.youtube.
Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain of the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.
Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain of the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.
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