Loving Dialogue

We live in a society where there is so much volatility, anger, hate and judgment. We don’t even realize the judgments that we hold close to our heart, even though we’re quick to notice when others judge us.

This weekend, I gathered with other men and women in Chicago for the soul purpose of loving dialogue and mutual vulnerability on the challenging topic of sexual and gender diversity. How can we love each other across disagreements about what faithful sexuality looks like? How can we listen respectfully in order to truly see the hearts of others? How can we agree or disagree with respect and love?

Over the course of our time together we learned to listen with the intention of understanding, not to cut in and make sure our opinion is known, but really listen. We asked questions of each other with the hope of gaining empathy and understanding for those that may think differently.

I think we often fail to love those different from us, because our critical stereotypes tend to paralyze us from really seeing into the hearts of others. It’s safer to live in our own tribes, where we get each other. The idea of inviting someone with different beliefs to lunch or coffee for the purpose of understanding....well, we usually don't do that. What if we did?

Maybe it’s time to stop choosing sides. Maybe it’s time to engage in conversations that make us a bit uncomfortable. It’s so easy to stay in our own little safe tribes, where we feel accepted and loved. But, wait a minute, what would we lose? I would have missed out on this past weekend where beliefs were different, yet so much love shared!

Bob Goff writes in his book ‘Everybody Always’ “Jesus talked to His friends a lot about how we should identify ourselves. He said it wouldn’t be what we said we believed or all the good we hoped to do someday. Nope, He said we would identify ourselves simply by how we loved people. It’s tempting to think there is more to it, but there’s not. Love isn’t something we fall into; love is someone we become.”

Who are you becoming? Will you participate in the volatility, anger, hate and judgment? Or will you become love?

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.