Me-First Syndrome

As a volunteer Sunday School teacher for four and five year olds, I’ve noticed a phenomenon that happens every time I serve. As we line up to go outside, I hear a cadre of little ones letting me know in no uncertain terms that they want to BE FIRST in line. It’s funny how we catch this mentality before we can utter our first words. The “Me-First Syndrome” was caught and taught to us early in life. It’s been modeled by human beings everywhere.

 

What are some examples of the “Me-First Syndrome?”

You’re on the service road heading toward a stop light. Someone speeds up, cuts you off and slows down in front of you. Of course, that person makes it through the light, while you sit and wait.

You’re in line for a concert and a group of people cut in front of you not even noticing your presence.

You want to be the first one to give your opinion in a work meeting, but someone else grabs center stage before you can utter a word.

 

You recently got paid and want to spend as much as possible on things for yourself.

 

Looking out for number one is so much a part of us that we don’t notice the ire that swells up in us when we’re not! Wayne Jackson wrote “The “me-first” syndrome is only occasionally recognized, rarely specifically identified, and general is ignored.” Inside, we are fuming when others do this to us, but outwardly, we just move on with our day. But, lately, I feel like God is making it very obvious to me when my “me-first” syndrome kicks in. He’s showing me how selfish I can be and how I get ticked when my “me-first” rights are violated. While I’m getting irritated with others, I’m missing the lessons that God wants to teach me about my perceived rights.

 

What would your day look like if you took on an “others first” mentality? It would seem to me that the “me first” mentality would be destroyed when we adopt the “others first” principle. Yet thinking of others as more important than myself is not at all easy. It conjures up in me images of becoming a second-class doormat. That feels unfair. God’s word makes it clear that God has a plan and knows the best way for people to live in society together. When we submit to one another, we are being loving. When we submit to one another, we do so out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21) It’s realizing that when you lose your life, you find it. It’s learning gentleness, humility and a regard for others. It’s laying aside the need to be first. When does your “me first” spirit becomes front and center? How long will you continue to let it be first?

 

“Never think in lowering yourself you have less power for good.” Charles de Foucauld

 

“He must become greater; I must become less.” John 3:30

 

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.

God's Not Dead!

As I looked toward the prison yard, it was unusually quiet and surreal on this hot and humid day. The only folks in the yard were our group of some thirty volunteers lined up in single file. Five people through the sally port at a time. Then the large iron door would clang shut loudly after each group of five. Led by the guard, we'd walk single file until we came to another iron door. There, we would stop and wait for the rest of the group.  

There's something about entering a prison that makes me a bit melancholy. It's just a sobering experience. I silently wondered what it must be like to live day in and day out in this place. I can't imagine how awful. As I stood there waiting in line, I was taken back by the dead silence. Then, all at once, in the midst of this dark, dreary afternoon, I head this song blast out of the gym across the yard…..

Let love explode and bring the dead to life… a love so bold to seek a revolution somehow.

Now I'm lost in Your freedom in this world I'll overcome. My God's not dead, he's surely alive! He's living on the inside, roaring like a lion….Roaring, he's roaring like a lion.

Let hope arise and make the darkness hide….My faith is dead, I need resurrection somehow now I'm lost in Your freedom….In this world I'll overcome!!!....

All at once, my sadness turned to happy tears. As I looked out over this dark and dreary prison, I was quickly reminded that not everything going on here is dismal. As we entered the gym, there was the inmate's band leading a group of fellow inmates singing "God's Not Dead" by Newsboys. The afternoon only got better as we enjoyed one story after another of all God did in the lives of these inmates over the weekend. Many experienced a new found relationship with God. Forgiveness. Agape love. Hope. Freedom. Joy. A new life, even if in prison.

So, when was the last time you thought you had a very bad, hard day? When things didn't go your way? Disappointed about a situation at work? When you felt like you were in your own personal prison? Hearing "God's Not Dead" boom out of the gym on that gloomy, dreary day, reminded me that joy IS possible, even in the most difficult of circumstances. I can choose joy. I can choose to worship God when things aren't perfect in my life. I can rise above the storms of life with God at my side. I can even be grateful for stinky circumstances, because sometimes those stinky circumstances are used to change my life…for the better.

"The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you but will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior." Habakkuk 3:17-18

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.

When My World Becomes Shaky

Nothing like being on a horse to remind you of an important lesson in life. A few weeks ago, I was having a lesson with my trainer at the barn. Diego appeared to have an itch and just like we humans, he wanted to stop and itch his leg. Well, after a while, my trainer and I didn’t have much empathy for his constant “stop and itch” scenarios. So, I became a bit more persistent with my spurs. Diego then decided to provide a series of mini-bucks in a full canter as if to say “STOP, I have an itch!”

That riding lesson landed me a few visits at the local chiropractor. As much as I love riding, being on a horse isn’t always the most solid, secure place to be in life. I’ve ridden most of my life and have taken my share of bucks, rears and falls off horses.  I am very aware of the dangers that are involved in getting on a horse.

I've been thinking about security lately. What makes a person feel truly secure? What makes a person feel insecure?  Have you listened to the news lately? Shootings. ISIS. Murder-Suicides. Accidents on our streets. Deaths. Nothing feels real secure. Take work life and home life.  Insecurity can lurk behind a performance issue at work or family stressor at home. We find our own insecurities bursting forth at the most inopportune times, almost feeling like we’re walking on shaky ground. Perhaps we carry some unresolved, unhealed parts of our life script and when we get broadsided in those tender areas, it can leave us feeling pretty insecure.

In Psalm 62:5-8, the Psalmist says “Yes, my soul, find rest in God, my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; e is my fortress. I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to hi, for God is our refuge.”  I love reading God’s Word! It gives me treasures just like this verse to contemplate. In God, I can find rest and hope. He is my rock, my salvation and my fortress. He is the one I trust. He is my refuge.  I need that reminder when my world becomes shaky. I need that reminder when I look to people for approval instead of God. I need that reminder when I’m honest about the frayed parts of my life. I need that reminder when I’m stressed out and don’t have the hours in the day to do what I need to do. Don’t you?

As you start this week, take time to meditate on Psalm 62:5-8. Write it on a card and place it in a prominent place on your desk. Mediating on Scripture reminds us where to keep our focus. Security is found truly in God. Not people. Not in a hefty bank account. Not success. Not in our productivity. Not in our titles. Not affirmations. Not likes on facebook. Not in accolades. Not in winning the lottery. Not in riding a horse. Security is found in God.

This week, my natural insecurities will bubble up to the surface in some shape or form. I hate that, but it’s just reality. How will I handle them when they come? Cover up and go on? Or invite God to be my rock, my true security? I know my answer. How about you?

God is our refuge and strength. A very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!” Psalm 91:1-2

He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper. The LORD is your shade on your right hand. Psalm 121: 3-5

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.

The Messiness of Change

Messiness and change often go together. Transitions are not always easy. Our comfort zones are messed with. Things aren't the same anymore. Whether it's transitioning in a job or moving from one state to another or dealing with a new illness, change is messy. Just last week, I got a letter in the email inviting me to report for jury duty. OK, how can something so simple, mess with my already planned schedule? My week is now CHANGED! We human beings don't really find ourselves fishing for more change in our lives.   The drama of change is seen all over the place. Changing locations. Changing jobs. Moving from one stage of life to another. Changing a pesky habit. Transforming a bad attitude. Dealing with aging. Parenting. Childbirth. Health issues. Death of a loved one. The list can go on and on. As you face this new day, what changes in your life are you experiencing? Sometimes, naming and acknowledging this season of change is helpful. It's also helpful to be kind to yourself and realize change can be stressful. Give yourself and others grace often in the midst of change.   For me, I've come to realize five things about change. 1. The older I get, the harder change is. 2. The longer I'm stuck, the longer "Stuck" becomes my friend. 3. Fear holds me back from changing. 4. God is my help in times of change. 5. Change is painful, but God will see me through. As I honestly look at the changes with God at my side, things aren't so stressful.   In Malachi 3:6, God says "For I am the Lord, I change not." Wow! In the midst of an ever changing circumstances, I'm so grateful that one thing cannot change- GOD. This also includes that fact that his great love for us will never change as well. I can relax in the arms of a God who is not going to change his mind, go back on his Word, betray or judge me. What peace that brings me!   So, what are the changes that are currently going on in your life? What personal changes do you need to address? What fears keep you from really dealing with your "stuck" issue? What current change has you a bit intimidated? As you start this week, I encourage you to keep God in your close focus. God is our one true constant...if we would but seek Him. Peace be with you as you walk through any change that comes your way. "Keep your life so constantly in touch with God that His surprising power can break through at any point. Live in a constant state of expectancy and leave room for God to come as He decides." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest   "God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Numbers 23:19   Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.