My Mom

I've always had my mom.  From those early days as a wee one playing with stuffed animals to my good ole' fashion school days, I've always had my mom.  During my professional years when I worked in Texas, California, Illinois and back to Texas, I've always had my mom. Through the good times and bad times, I've always had my mom. Today, I no longer have my mom.

Just six months ago, my mom fell and broke her hip. Since then, she worked painstakingly hard to get out of the temporary nursing home back my parent's home. My mom was known in our family as the "come-back kid."  From having Tuberculosis as a young woman to enduring several complicated surgeries, cancer, and a severe car accident, she always managed to bounce back. This time she didn't. The broken hip led to other issues, which eventually led to congestive heart failure.  And so, on February 6th, just one day after her 95th birthday, she slipped into heaven. 

When I was a kid, my mom would read to us bible stories at the breakfast table each morning. Yeah, I admit, I sometimes yawned in boredom. We would hear stories about Enoch, who walked with God. Joseph and the coat of many colors. Noah and the ark. God was with those guys in the good, bad and difficult times. Their stories, over time, got etched into my soul.  My spiritual journey began at the breakfast table.  As I look back on her loss, she left quite a legacy. She built a foundation for loving God and His Word. I will miss her greatly.

For the last week of my mom's life, I appreciated every moment with her. I was at her beckon call. Could I have my pencil? Sure. Could you read me the Bible? What verse? Would you please feed me? Of course. I was fully present just waiting to meet a need. Every look, every smile, every touch of the hand meant something special. I was with my mom and she was still alive. I wondered if every kiss goodbye might be the last. And one day, it was.

I no longer have my mom. I'm sad. It feels really strange. But my mom instilled within me a truth... that I will ALWAYS have God. Today, I'm grateful for that. People will leave this earth. But God will ALWAYS be there for us. I want to live recognizing God's presence during the moments of my day. John Ortberg, in his new book, "Soul Keeping" shares a Soul Experiment.  He begins each day by challenging himself with this question: How many moments of my life today can I fill with conscious awareness of and surrender to God's presence? He will then deliberately imagine himself doing that at home, in his car, at work, on line, watching news or being with others. I'd like to try living this soul experiment. It's about paying attention. Focusing on someone you love during the moments of a day is not as hard as you might think. Why? Because you love them!  Just like with my mom.

Life will never be the same without my mom. But, I'm grateful that God has made a way for me to know Him and walk with Him throughout each day. He's not going anywhere. What about you? In the midst of your busy day, will you choose to be consciously aware of God? In the midst of the trials that come your way, would you invite God to walk through them with you? I will. I need him. Don't you?

"Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age."  Matthew 28:20

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.