Questioning God?

I don’t always “get” God. Sometimes, I would just like to tell him a thing or two about what I feel He should do. But, I think He has his gig down pretty well.

There are times in my life where I question God. God, why would you allow this? How come this happened? Is this or that fair? What were You thinking?  How I handle these questions is of utmost importance in my faith journey.

Most of us are uncomfortable with things we can’t fully understand. I imagine that’s why many folks don’t really want to get to know God. We can’t control God. We attempt to fit God into our own box to keep things safe. But, God doesn’t do boxes. He’s God.

I think I have a standing problem of making God too small. I want Him to fit into my little world and mind. He doesn’t. Natalie Grant’s King of the World song says my sentiments exactly:

I tried to fit you in the walls inside my mind
I try to keep you safely in between the lines
I try to put you in the box that I’ve designed
I try to pull you down so we are eye to eye

When did I forget that you’ve always been the king of the world?
I try to take life back right out of the hands of the king of the world
How could I make you so small
When you’re the one who holds it all
When did I forget that you’ve always been the king of the world?......
(Songwriters: Becca Mizell/Natalie Grant/Samuel Mizell)

God can’t fit into your box. Don’t pull Him down to your level. He won’t budge. Learn to look up to Him. Give Him your questions and concerns. He listens well…better than any human. He is God of the universe and literally wants to know you and do life with You.

I don’t understand God. I never will. But, He’s worthy of my trust. So, here we are in the middle of a big ole’ trial, we’re not gonna give up on Him. We’re not gonna’ say “God, how could you allow this?” We’re going to trust Him. He’s gonna see us through. He's worthy of our trust. Just read the Bible and you'll see!   

“Aslan is a lion-the Lion, the great Lion.”  “Ooh” said Susan. “I’d thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion”…. “Safe?” said Mr. Beaver….”who said anything about safe? Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King. I tell you.” C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Chronicles of Narnia #1)

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love may have power, together with all of the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:16-19

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain of the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.

Highlights

So, Chara, our English Springer Spaniel, decided to get highlights today. She didn’t even go to the doggie groomer! She did them all by herself.

I absentmindedly left a yellow highlighter out on a table this morning. That was all Chara needed for her highlights! I gasped when I saw her new look… both front feet covered in yellow!!!!

The definition of highlight is to make or try to make people notice or be aware of someone or something. For me, I highlight things I want to remember. Most often, I highlight a scripture or something I’ve written down in my prayer journal.

As Ben and I try to navigate our new normal following his bicycle accident and broken pelvis, I’ve been highlighting a lot. Why? I’ve realized how desperate I am for God and His Word. Over the course of these last few weeks, I’ve experienced emotions too deep for words- feelings of sadness, anxiety, fear, frustrations, impatience and weariness.

It’s these crazy emotions that draw me back to God’s Word. I highlighted the following Scripture this morning, Psalm 42:1-2, 5

“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?.......Put our hope in God, For I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you.”

The Psalmist got it right. Just like a deer depends upon water, he depended on his God. The Psalmist was knew his need and knew who could answer his need. He poured out his heart to God! He was so discouraged and downcast because of the circumstances of his day. Watch his antidote: He talked to himself. He asked his soul why it was so downcast. Then, he challenged himself to put his hope in God and God’s word. He saw the benefit of running to God and his Word in times of deep despair and challenge. 

That’s what I did today. I ran to God and His Word. I need Him so much to help see me through this trial. This highlighted portion of my Scripture is a reminder of my need to sometimes talk back to myself: “Put your hope in God, Nancy!” Sometimes, we need to give ourselves a talkin’ to.

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain of the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.

Cancel 2020?

I’m ready to join the “Cancel 2020” culture. To top off all the craziness that has happened in our family this year, my husband had a horrible bicycle accident this past week. I knew it was bad when I finally got to him and saw he couldn’t move. To make a long story short, he was transferred late that evening to hospital (BAMC) where there they would and could perform such a trauma case. Our hearts are broken, but at the same time encouraged that he can and will heal.

Ben and I had just been commenting on what a hard year this has been. And now this. What else? It's easy to get super discouraged during this challenging year.

I’m sure you’ve noticed, that we are in a place and time where so many are struggling. Many of you who might be reading this are dealing with cancer, another type of sickness, family or relational strife, financial challenges, wounds too deep for words or somehow affected by COVID. COVID has allowed us to see our true selves, no longer covered by the niceties of life. For me, I observed my true self coming out by not being able to see Ben while in the hospital. That was so very hard for me, yet I am one of a multitude of people who have gone through this frustration. COVID has brought on extra strife and stress to all of us. How we deal with these challenges is important. 

There are times where there are no words. I just don’t know how to walk through this trial. I’d prefer to Cancel 2020. But, as you and I know, that is not an option.

There are just some days, where I just need to out loud quote Scripture to myself.  Over and over and over. I believe God and I know He is good ALL the time. But, this feels soooo not good.

So, I’m going back to a scripture I know by heart and keep it close to my heart. I’m going to repeat it over and over and over: Nancy, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6) Simple verse, right? But think about each section: Trust in the Lord. Don’t lean on your understanding. Acknowledge God in everything you do. He promises to make your paths straight. Ya’ll, this is survival. This is what keeps us going!

We also need each other. I've been blown away by the prayers, encouragement, meals, phone calls of those near and far as we walk through this ordeal. It's so easy to find people to care for and encourage these days. Everyone needs encouragement! One of my favorite verses in scripture says "Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." (Hebrews 10:24) Wow, loving and supporting each other is such a beautiful thing! 

I’m not about to cancel 2020, because I want to learn to trust the Lord in the hard times. If everything is always perfect, how do I really know that God is trustworthy? It’s in these dark trials, that God’s light shines bright and clear. Let's trust the Lord in 2020 like never before. Let's be the hands and feet of Jesus to those around us like never before. Could we possibly see God do more this year in our lives than any other year?

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain of the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.