Out of Control on the Animas

At first glance, the Animas River in Durango looked a bit intimidating. The water was super-high and running at a rate of 800 cubic feet per second, which is pretty fast. Looking like fun, we went ahead and made reservations for two inflatable kayaks, also called duckies. We're on vacation, why not?

This trip was like no other kayak trip I've taken. Waves that belonged in the ocean. White waters crashing against rocks. Rocks to dodge. Eddies to get out of. I was pleased to master most of it until Smelter. Smelter is a section of the trip known for dumping pesky little duckies like ours. Smelter gives new meaning to feeling out of control. It's the grand finale for all little duckies.

My husband killed it at Smelter. I did not. As I entered the Smelter area, I paddled left following our neophyte guide. I should have gone middle. When I tried to correct my error, I was parallel to a six-foot drop with a swirling eddy below. I paddled my heart out, but couldn't get to the middle. In an instance, I flew off the kayak and off I went on my own personal water ride. Taking a huge gush of water in, along I went, bumping rocks and swirling around like a washing machine. Finally, I grabbed a rock, only to be hurled back out into the mighty river. It wasn't long before I was able to swim to the side and grab ahold of a kind man's kayak. He was just waiting in a cove to help kayak-less people like me.

I have a healthy new respect for raging rivers. Once I dumped, I had no control. Flying through that water was something I'll never forget. It felt really scary to be out of control.

It occurred to me later that evening, how control is so much a part of my human nature. Fear and control go hand in hand. I can so easily fall prey to trying to control the things I fear or worry about. I have a feeling you do as well. We can attempt to try to control our spouses, our children and grandchildren, our schedule, our image, our friendships, our environments, etc.  How much stress do you bring on yourself trying to be in control?

Sometimes, our controlling nature fails us. When we try to control our life, worry and anxiety become close companions. Instead of seeking God's help, we rely on our own wisdom and own power to get through stuff. We become our own god, demanding control.

The day on the  Animas River reminded me of my need for God. He was in full control of the situation. I was not.

As you start this day: Spend a few quiet minutes with God. Ask him to examine your heart and reveal to you ways you've sought control in matters. Write down everything that God shows you.  Did you know that God loves you so much that he doesn't want you to worry about anything? 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own expectations. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.