Friday, July 26, 2013
Madonna and Ego
I'm fascinated by a quote I recently read from Madonna: "My drive in life comes from a fear of being mediocre. That is always pushing me. I push past one spell of it and discover myself as a special human being but then I feel I am still mediocre and uninteresting unless I do something else. Because even though I have become somebody. I still have to prove that I am somebody. My struggle has never ended and I guess it never will." (Timothy Keller, The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness)
So, think of it... Madonna has more than most of us can ever imagine. Madonna would be considered "successful" in the world's eyes. Madonna is known for continuously reinventing both her music and image over and over again. She has sold over 300 million records worldwide and is recognized as the best-selling female recording artist of all time by Guinness World Records. Madonna has made it. Right?
But there's a problem. Madonna, like so many of us, sees her sense of self, her desire for self-worth, as not fulfilled She is still trying to be somebody special. No matter what great concert she had the night before, the next morning, she needs to do something else. Madonna's ego is like a black hole. Nothing satisfies.
Can you relate to Madonna? Maybe our egos are like black holes as well. We can be so consumed in our minds with trying to be "somebody" and feel happy if we outdo someone else...whether it be in our position, our prestige, our possessions or accomplishments. Somehow, it just feels good. Do we just live life always looking for that elusive 'stamp of approval?' Even Madonna, despite all her fame, has not found the ultimate approval she is looking for.
If I look to people for a positive verdict about myself, sooner or later I will be disappointed. I may go for years and feel like I've won the approval and accolades from people, only to find it can change in a heartbeat. I've come to realize that I cannot look to the world around me to give me the kudos I need. Only God's opinion matters. Really. Only God. He loves you. He cares for you. He longs to have a relationship with you. He is FOR you. No one else will love or approve of you like God.
"Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next person. We say that people are proud of being rich, or cleverer or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If everyone else become equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about." C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
So, think of it... Madonna has more than most of us can ever imagine. Madonna would be considered "successful" in the world's eyes. Madonna is known for continuously reinventing both her music and image over and over again. She has sold over 300 million records worldwide and is recognized as the best-selling female recording artist of all time by Guinness World Records. Madonna has made it. Right?
But there's a problem. Madonna, like so many of us, sees her sense of self, her desire for self-worth, as not fulfilled She is still trying to be somebody special. No matter what great concert she had the night before, the next morning, she needs to do something else. Madonna's ego is like a black hole. Nothing satisfies.
Can you relate to Madonna? Maybe our egos are like black holes as well. We can be so consumed in our minds with trying to be "somebody" and feel happy if we outdo someone else...whether it be in our position, our prestige, our possessions or accomplishments. Somehow, it just feels good. Do we just live life always looking for that elusive 'stamp of approval?' Even Madonna, despite all her fame, has not found the ultimate approval she is looking for.
If I look to people for a positive verdict about myself, sooner or later I will be disappointed. I may go for years and feel like I've won the approval and accolades from people, only to find it can change in a heartbeat. I've come to realize that I cannot look to the world around me to give me the kudos I need. Only God's opinion matters. Really. Only God. He loves you. He cares for you. He longs to have a relationship with you. He is FOR you. No one else will love or approve of you like God.
"Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next person. We say that people are proud of being rich, or cleverer or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If everyone else become equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about." C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Am I Really Listening?
My husband tells me I don't always hear everything he says. I'm hoping I'm not losing a bit of my hearing, but suffice it to say, I'm not always the best listener. Frankly, I think all of us, if honest, would admit that we lack in listening skills. Yet, if we are to hold high the value of "respecting one another" we would do well to sharpen our listening skills.
Why don't we tend to be good listeners in general? There's lots of reasons! I know that sometimes I'm guilty of thinking about how I'm going to respond, while at the same time trying to listen to someone. Not good. Often, I'm just so excited to get my two cents in that I cut the other person off. Really not good. We are all prone to interrupt because that's just what we do! We don't think twice doing it. Finally, I think we are so busy that interactions with people can just be "one more thing" that we have to do. We've got our eye on our phone and halfway listening to the person in front of us! Who knows? The email or text on the phone might be way more exciting that the person in front of you! Perish the thought of being the talker.
As we give the gift of respect to those around us each day, I think it would be thoughtful to refresh our listening skills. Here are some questions to ask yourself as you communicate to others: Do I hear every word they speak? Do I care when I hear? Do I judge when I hear? what do I wonder about? Why don't I ask them? Am I REALLY listening when they are talking OR am I thinking about what I will say next? Do I care for them OR do I care about their opinion of me? Do I leave them impressed OR make them feel good about themselves? Am I treating them the way I want them to treat me? Are they REALLY better off because I am in their life? (Doug Pollock, God Space)
So, let's make this a week where we work hard to give the gift of listening to those we come in contact with. Not only will you be blessed, but the person you listen to will be double-blessed.
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves." Philippians 2:3
"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." Ralph Nichols
Why don't we tend to be good listeners in general? There's lots of reasons! I know that sometimes I'm guilty of thinking about how I'm going to respond, while at the same time trying to listen to someone. Not good. Often, I'm just so excited to get my two cents in that I cut the other person off. Really not good. We are all prone to interrupt because that's just what we do! We don't think twice doing it. Finally, I think we are so busy that interactions with people can just be "one more thing" that we have to do. We've got our eye on our phone and halfway listening to the person in front of us! Who knows? The email or text on the phone might be way more exciting that the person in front of you! Perish the thought of being the talker.
As we give the gift of respect to those around us each day, I think it would be thoughtful to refresh our listening skills. Here are some questions to ask yourself as you communicate to others: Do I hear every word they speak? Do I care when I hear? Do I judge when I hear? what do I wonder about? Why don't I ask them? Am I REALLY listening when they are talking OR am I thinking about what I will say next? Do I care for them OR do I care about their opinion of me? Do I leave them impressed OR make them feel good about themselves? Am I treating them the way I want them to treat me? Are they REALLY better off because I am in their life? (Doug Pollock, God Space)
So, let's make this a week where we work hard to give the gift of listening to those we come in contact with. Not only will you be blessed, but the person you listen to will be double-blessed.
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves." Philippians 2:3
"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." Ralph Nichols
Conquering Fear
Just this last week, my husband and I spent some time in Durango, Colorado. While my husband was on a solo backpacking journey, I decided to take a half day horseback ride along the Piedra River near Pagosa Springs. The ride would cover over 13 miles along the rim of the river, with gorgeous views along the way. Our leader? Stoney, an older cowboy, who had had one leg amputated 17 years ago from a horse accident. He entertained all three of us riders along the trail with interesting stories form his life as a cowboy and history of the area.
I don't remember reading anywhere on-line warning potential riders about the steep cliffs and narrow paths we would encounter along the way. However, it wasn't long after our departure, that our little motley crew started climbing up some pretty intense trails. Soon, we were towering above the Piedra River, looking straight down about 100 yards at times. Our little trail would often fade away from the erosion, leaving little room for our horses to mark their path. Thankfully, these were some sure-footed horses! Every time, we'd hit an area of difficulty, Cowboy Stoney would say with a smile "That's the roughest area we've had....so far." Soon, we would encounter another area that was a tad scarier. Cowboy Stoney even told us about a time recently when he and his mare had encountered a bear along the path. His mare still snorts loudly as she passes that spot.
I love horses. I love mountains. And honestly, the ride was incredible. However, there were points along the way that I was pretty scared. I was involved in an accident on a mountain road in Idaho years ago and heights can still affect me. Knowing full well my horse Haley would sense my fear, I really worked hard to just sit, relax in the saddle and enjoy the ride and scenery.
Fear can grip us when we least expect it. We can actually live in fear wondering about all the 'what ifs' that could potentially happen. The French philosopher Montaigne said "My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened." How true! Isn't it amazing how young children often have no fear? Yet, as time goes on in life, we see things happen and become aware of the "what ifs' of life. Many of us live paralyzed by fear.
How about you? What are you afraid of? I'm so grateful that God cares about all my fears. No matter how big or small, God wants us to bring Him all our fears. He will listen and meet us in those fears. Even David in the Bible, who went through a lot of horrible scary circumstances was able to say with confidence "The Lord is my Salvation; Of whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1) Let's start our day saying NO to fear!
Nancy Abbott serves as the Chaplain of the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.
I don't remember reading anywhere on-line warning potential riders about the steep cliffs and narrow paths we would encounter along the way. However, it wasn't long after our departure, that our little motley crew started climbing up some pretty intense trails. Soon, we were towering above the Piedra River, looking straight down about 100 yards at times. Our little trail would often fade away from the erosion, leaving little room for our horses to mark their path. Thankfully, these were some sure-footed horses! Every time, we'd hit an area of difficulty, Cowboy Stoney would say with a smile "That's the roughest area we've had....so far." Soon, we would encounter another area that was a tad scarier. Cowboy Stoney even told us about a time recently when he and his mare had encountered a bear along the path. His mare still snorts loudly as she passes that spot.
I love horses. I love mountains. And honestly, the ride was incredible. However, there were points along the way that I was pretty scared. I was involved in an accident on a mountain road in Idaho years ago and heights can still affect me. Knowing full well my horse Haley would sense my fear, I really worked hard to just sit, relax in the saddle and enjoy the ride and scenery.
Fear can grip us when we least expect it. We can actually live in fear wondering about all the 'what ifs' that could potentially happen. The French philosopher Montaigne said "My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened." How true! Isn't it amazing how young children often have no fear? Yet, as time goes on in life, we see things happen and become aware of the "what ifs' of life. Many of us live paralyzed by fear.
How about you? What are you afraid of? I'm so grateful that God cares about all my fears. No matter how big or small, God wants us to bring Him all our fears. He will listen and meet us in those fears. Even David in the Bible, who went through a lot of horrible scary circumstances was able to say with confidence "The Lord is my Salvation; Of whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1) Let's start our day saying NO to fear!
Nancy Abbott serves as the Chaplain of the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Love wins!
This past Friday morning, I woke up with what appeared to be
a case of the NBA Finals “Let Down” blues.
Symptoms included struggling to get out of bed. Headache.
Mopey. Little motivation.
Emotional. As I got in my car and headed
out, I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had contracted this
illness. There were a lot of other
people out there in Spur-land suffering from it too.
I had to get
perspective about this quickly. I WON’T
let a Spurs loss ruin my day! I kept thinking
to myself “It’s only a game! It’s only a game!” But, over the last three years, I’ve grown to
love the Spurs! I’ve enjoyed getting to
know the players from afar. I’ve loved
seeing the younger ones develop and grow in maturity. I admired how the older players pour into
the younger ones, conscientious about passing on their tricks of the
trade. I saw a coach that doesn’t allow
for contention, pride or arrogance on the team. I saw a team that demonstrated
the beauty and power of humility, both in how they win and how they lose. They
love one another. They respect one
another. They care for one another. They always speak well of each other. There
is something so special about this team and I believe the world has finally
taken note. It stands out far more than
winning an NBA title will ever will. It
rises above all the money that yields such power in sports. It’s called love.
I heard on the radio that the first thing Coach Pop said as
he gathered his team together after the loss was three simple words. “I love you.”
I love you guys. Can you believe
it? These last two losses must have been
so disheartening to that team. But when
a leader stands up and says those words, there is hope. Winning is not everything. Love is everything. Love wins.
Love will always, always win. Why
do you think these guys want to stay together?
Love.
Have you ever been part of a team or staff where love was
absent? You lose trust. You begin to
second guess yourself. You walk on egg
shells. You live in fear. When love is absent, fear rules. Each of us have an opportunity to be
different. In 1 John 4:18, it says “There is no fear in love, but perfect love
drives out fear.” God is calling us
to be team leaders and team members that exemplify this kind of love.
I think seeing the Spurs rise into the NBA Finals was an
amazing thing for the world to see. We
demonstrated to the world how to be a real team. We demonstrated that humility will always
reign over pride. We demonstrated that money in sports doesn’t always win, but
love does.
“Love never gives
up. Love cares more for others than for
self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t
have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a
swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first,” doesn’t
fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel
when others grovel. Takes pleasure in
the flowering of truth. Puts up with
anything. Trusts God always. Always
looks for the best. Never looks back, but keeps going to the end.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
A July 4th Prayer
In just a few short days, we will celebrate July 4th, commemorating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776. On that day over two centuries ago, we claimed our independence from Britain and Democracy was born. Each year, thousands leave their homeland to come to this great country. We are a blessed country.
Of course, because we are Americans, we love to celebrate this holiday. A day off work. Parades. Picnics. Parties. Pools. Fireworks. Prayer. Prayer? Really? Prayer is usually not the first thing we think about doing on July 4th. However, why not start? Take a few moments, and offer up the following prayer for this Independence Day:
Dear God, We have so much to be grateful for as a country! Thank you for the privilege of being an American. There is so much to thank you for today! For our forefathers who founded this great nation. Thank you, Lord. For the blessings of liberty for this generation and those to come. Thank you, Lord. For each and every person who bravely gave their lives in defense of our freedoms. Thank you, Lord. For the joy of celebrating as a country Independence Day. Thank you, Lord. For the joy of being with friends and family on this holiday. Thank you, Lord. For the patriotic songs that we sing. Thank you, Lord. For every flag that we see flying. Thank you, Lord. For those who are far from home, who on this day, sail or fly or walk in harm's way. Father, protect them. For the families of those who are far away. Father, comfort them. For those who have received the dreaded message that their loved one has died. Comfort them in their grief. Strengthen those who carry the wounds of war, visible and invisible. Be to them a sure presence.
Today, keep us all grounded not in our strength but in yours, relying on the promise that "those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." All this we pray in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen. (partially adapted from "A Prayer on Independence Day, Mark L. Tidd, Chief of Navy Chaplains)
Nancy B. Abbott serves as Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.
Of course, because we are Americans, we love to celebrate this holiday. A day off work. Parades. Picnics. Parties. Pools. Fireworks. Prayer. Prayer? Really? Prayer is usually not the first thing we think about doing on July 4th. However, why not start? Take a few moments, and offer up the following prayer for this Independence Day:
Dear God, We have so much to be grateful for as a country! Thank you for the privilege of being an American. There is so much to thank you for today! For our forefathers who founded this great nation. Thank you, Lord. For the blessings of liberty for this generation and those to come. Thank you, Lord. For each and every person who bravely gave their lives in defense of our freedoms. Thank you, Lord. For the joy of celebrating as a country Independence Day. Thank you, Lord. For the joy of being with friends and family on this holiday. Thank you, Lord. For the patriotic songs that we sing. Thank you, Lord. For every flag that we see flying. Thank you, Lord. For those who are far from home, who on this day, sail or fly or walk in harm's way. Father, protect them. For the families of those who are far away. Father, comfort them. For those who have received the dreaded message that their loved one has died. Comfort them in their grief. Strengthen those who carry the wounds of war, visible and invisible. Be to them a sure presence.
Today, keep us all grounded not in our strength but in yours, relying on the promise that "those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." All this we pray in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen. (partially adapted from "A Prayer on Independence Day, Mark L. Tidd, Chief of Navy Chaplains)
Nancy B. Abbott serves as Chaplain for the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.
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