Even this...

I met her once. I thanked her for the gift of life and told her if I never see her again, I will always love her and be grateful for her. I never saw her again. My birth mom died this week. She spent time in show business as a professional roller skater performing acrobatic routines. She toured with the military troops and was on the Ed Sullivan and Steve Allen shows. Perhaps my love for dance came from this one. My heart is broken and I’m sad for what could have been, but grateful for this courageous woman who gave me life.

Sooner or later, things happen in our life that can crush us. Losing Dolly has crushed me. I always hoped, always dream, always prayed that she would reach out to me and want to know me. But, she didn’t. My dream will never be reality.

It didn’t take long through my tears to return to the scripture I had just read the morning I received this news, Psalm 139: 13-14. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  It was as if God was preparing me for the news I was about to receive!

I was reminded that God was the one that created me and He had good intentions for my life. I was not a mistake! He thinks about me all the time.  He knows everything about me and still loves me! Even before I speak, He knows what I’m going to say. My pain has brought me back to the overwhelming presence of God in my life since the day I was born. He had a plan and it was good.

I guess at some point in our life, we will ALL feel rejected, betrayed, hurt or misunderstood by someone. People hurts can be so brutal. What do you do?

Today, I run to Psalm 139. I run to God. I run to my husband and dear friends. Loss is never easy. But, thankfully, God will see me through, even this.

Nancy Abbott is the Chaplain of the YMCA of Greater San Antonio.